Asexuality as Identity

Keeping It Queer
By Erica Chu

Asexuality as Identity


“After this failed relationship, I guess I’ll be asexual for a while.” I’ve overheard a lot of people make joking comments similar to this. What they mean is their sexual relationships aren’t quite working out the way they want, so they are accepting their unfortunate circumstances. Though the joke may seem appropriate, such comments ignore the fact that many people are asexual. Asexuals don’t just happen to be sexually inactive at the moment—they actually claim asexuality as a sexual orientation and identity.

In my last column, I pointed out that there’s a difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and we shouldn’t feel bad if we don’t experience one or the other. In fact, there are a number of people who identify as asexual because they do not experience sexual attraction.

The asexual community is actually quite diverse—some seek out romantic partnership, others prefer a solitary life, forming friendships but not partnerships. Some asexuals find partners who experience sexual attraction and choose to engage in sex, some asexuals masturbate only, others prefer absolutely no sexual contact. Some asexuals are homoromantic, some heteroromantic, some are gender variant, others cisgendered. Though the community is diverse, asexuals take seriously their identity. It’s not a joke, it’s not phase, it’s not about sexual repression, and it is very real.

You may go back to your family tree and wonder about an unmarried older relative. “I bet she was gay,” is often the response I hear. Maybe she was, maybe she just didn’t find the right person…or maybe she was asexual. Unlike many other identities, someone’s asexuality is difficult to notice because many pass (often unintentionally) as straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other kind of sexual identity. Because many asexuals are in romantic relationships or even sexual ones, it’s hard for outsiders to identify them. This can be frustrating for many asexuals who feel society has rendered them invisible. On the other hand, it can be frustrating for any of us who belong to sexually variant communities because we’re always being seen only for our gayness, our queerness, our bisexuality, or our asexuality.

I was at an LGBTQ and Women’s Studies conference a couple months ago, and after my presentation on the relationship between asexuality and other queer identities, a lesbian professor made the off-handed comment “I’m not asexual, and I don’t know why anyone would want to be.” I felt devastated. I do not identify as asexual, but I do not consider my queer identity to be an unfortunate circumstance or an unwise choice. Straight people often don’t understand my orientation, my relationships, my life, and my choices, but as a community, we often force them to learn respect, tolerance, and self-education. People who experience sexual attraction often don’t understand asexuality, so it’s time we also learn to hold ourselves accountable.

For more information on asexuality as an identity, check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network at Asexuality.org.



Erica Chu is a student at Loyola University Chicago and is seeking a PhD in English with a concentration in Women Studies and Gender Studies. They manage the blog keepingitqueer.blogspot.com and can be reached at ericachu@msn.com.